I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
