Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
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Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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