The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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