Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
