Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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