I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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