apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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