I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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