Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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