umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
