apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
