I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
