Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
