sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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