Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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