Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
