Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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