Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
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The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
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Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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