Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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