I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
