grandma shit on top of the toilet
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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