I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
