the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
