Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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