just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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