New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
