Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
