I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sponge bath it is.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
