so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
So. Much. Porn.
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