I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
