Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Watching her eat just hurts me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
