idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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