I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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