so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
