He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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