I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
