If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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