dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize