People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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