And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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