I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
