drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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