the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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