just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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