I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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