No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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