Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
