You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
