I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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