is your mom at the bar?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
