do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
