There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
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Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
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I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The uberlube is also flammable
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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