Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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