Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
