He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
