According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
