Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
