Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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