it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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