yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize