Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
