Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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