He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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