Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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