I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
