i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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