Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
