he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
