You can't motorboat a personality
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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