uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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