Please, let me fuck your mom
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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