The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
