I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
