Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
